Open Adoption

What exactly does OPEN Adoption mean? In 1992, when introduced to me, I thought it would mean I would receive pictures, updates and have my questions answered when I asked them. I knew I would be picking out the parents from a book of perspective adoptive parents. I wrote down what I wanted the parents to be, how I "envisioned" them. From that, the agency chose about 6 couple's profiles for me to look at. The understanding, in the end, was that I would receive pictures & letters every month for the first 6 months then nothing until he turned 1. After that it was "up to the parents" if they wanted to report anything.

Technically Open Adoption refers to the sharing of information and/or contact between the adoptive and biological parents of an adopted child. This can occur before, during and/or after the placement of the child. (Baran and Pannor, 1993). The key words are CAN OCCUR. Basically there are 3 types of Open Adoption:

Confidential: Minimal information is shared between adoptive and birth family members and is never transmitted directly; any exchange of information typically stops with the adoptive placement of shortly thereafter.

Mediated: Non-identifying information is shared between parties through adoption agency personnel, who serve as go-between; sharing could include exchange of pictures, letters, gifts, or infrequent meetings at which full identifying information is not revealed.

Fully disclosed: Involves full disclosure of identifying information between adoptive and birth families; may involve direct meetings in each others' homes or in public places, phone calls, letters, and sometimes contact with the extended family.

This was not explained to me at the time of my relinquishment and probably isn't explained to a lot of birthparents. Yes, there are "levels" of adoptions but when told you are giving the option of "Open Adoption" most are excited to know they will have unlimited contact and know everything they need to about their birthchild. Sadly this is not the case as you can see above. And sadly most birthmothers struggle with unanswered questions because they were mislead about the real definition of "Open Adoption".

Most birthmothers, when told they will have an Open Adoption, believe they will always know what is happening in their birthchild's life. They will receive letters, pictures and updates regularly and possible have more contact through phone calls and visits. In my case this was not the outcome. I did receive pictures and letters for the first year "as promised". After that it was cut off. I have written to the agency every year since 1993 and I get the same response. "The parents have not shared anything at this time". I believe that my "healing process" has been put on hold since that last picture arrived because I have so many unanswered questions about him. What does he look like now? Is he healthy? Is he safe and secure? All my answers lie in a simple photo of when he was only 1 year old. He WAS healthy. He WAS smiling. He looked ok. Therefore I guess this adoption would be classified as Confidential. But in my heart it has turned out to be a "Closed Adoption".

After much research I found it difficult to find a concrete definition of "Semi Open Adoption". I guess you could say it is classified as 2 of the 3 definitions above: Mediated and Disclosed. To me and many birthmothers Semi Open would mean some kind of consistent contact between the adoptive parents and the birthparents through an agency. They are still under the belief that they will "always know". But reality has proven to me that Semi Open Adoption is basically Closed. I don't know about my son. I don't know anything past 1 year. How can they honestly classify this as Open or even Semi Open?

Open Adoption seems to be a pretty loose term to use with Birthmothers. I believe that an agency should really explain to the birthmother, as well as the adoptive parents, the difference between the 3 mentioned above. Because in reality the only 3 that most are aware of are Open, Semi Open and Closed. But it seems that only 2 really exist; Open and Closed.

Definitions of "Open Adoption" were taken from http://www.openadoptions.com
Most of the information on this page is based on my own personal experience and experiences of those I have talked to regarding their "Open Adoption". It is in no way a "professional approach". It is simply shared to make birthparents aware that they should ask questions when faced with the term of "Open Adoption".

Credits: Sharon Roberts