The Meeting

Two virtual, online friends~ birthmom and adoptive mom to be~ meet for the first time "in the flesh!

I expected Michelle to arrive within the hour. Walking through my kitchen, my bare feet sticking to the dirty linoleum floor, I was as calm as a sleeping child. Bending down to pick Cheerios out of my toes I hollered to my five-year-old son, "Let's cut your hair!"

I knew it would take me twenty minutes to shave his head and then set the sprinkler up in the yard for his "bath"--- time I should have spent cleaning. After all, even though I'd known Michelle, a hopefully soon adoptive mother for nearly eight months, this would be our first meeting. This meeting, between adoptive mother and birthmother would be like no other. It had reasons all its own that even she and I could not explain with ease.

Inside at my dirty dish-filled sink washing tiny blond hairs from my hands I heard my children holler, "They're here Mommy!" I wiped my hands and headed outside without a single flutter in my stomach. Michelle and I had become close friends online, teaching one another by our own experiences and learning by acceptance and understanding. My tears had fallen onto the keyboard a hundred times, leaving Michelle my grief to contend with. Her anxiousness for a child, her pain of infertility, and her quest to know more had met with my heart over eight months of early mornings.

This day would challenge every word of comfort, every statement of understanding, and in the first seconds of meeting we would know if the great walls of separation between birthmothers and adoptive mothers had been broken down. While I was not nervous to meet Michelle, my friend, I knew this day was a day of reckoning for me. I'd put nearly thirty hours a week into my dream of uniting separate sides for the growth of adoption. Every ounce of every word I'd written weighed heavy with my hopes. And those first moments with Michelle would confirm that my dream was either well on its way ... or just an illusion I'd wanted too badly.

The sun was at high noon and squinting as I walked through my door I first noticed the bright rays of light bouncing beautifully off Michelle's light red hair. Her pale skin, her small frame, and once I could see clearly, her amazingly warm smile pushed me gently into her welcome arms. The embrace we held was sincere, as if I'd known her arms around me a thousand times before. Containing both laughter and tears I stepped back and said, "I'm so glad you came."

During the next four hours Michelle and I sat side-by-side on my couch and bantered back and forth as if we'd done it every day. Her husband sat across from us and played Connext and motorcycle with my son, offering his opinion and his thoughts as he felt comfortable. For me, I would take in deep breaths occasionally as I glanced at the two of them in my living room. Here, in my house, sat two people, two soon- to- be adoptive parents ... and we were making a difference. Never in my life, especially not on the
day I relinquished my son ten years before, would I have ever dared to think this would exist.

We spoke un-afraid of the issues. We laughed and we were serious. Michelle and Michael told me about themselves personally, and I shared intimate details about myself and the marriage between my husband and me. They got a kick out of knowing our first date was in a wedding chapel on the strip of Las Vegas. I enjoyed hearing they'd eloped as well. Our meeting was about more than adoption, but rather about who we were. Yet these questions and answers did not carry the weight of a decision. There was no portfolio and they did not have to do a home study before they arrived to see me. I had nothing to offer them and they had no fear of any decision I would have had to make. That's what makes this meeting so very important ... the only reason was held in the hearts of two women who care so much about adoption and its future that they are willing to step over the line, no matter what they might find on the other side.

The opportunity I'd been given meant more than I still have yet to comprehend. The blessing of having Michelle in my home was priceless, but that I was also able to sit and listen to a soon to be adoptive father speak about his feelings changed me forever. His emotion and opinion sparked me to do something about the lack of information and support for adoptive fathers. But that's what daring to make a difference does for people ... it makes you care when you normally would not have.

They took pictures, in that final hour, of my children and myself. Michelle and I posed in the front yard with my youngest daughter, Samantha. Our good-bye's were not final in anyway. As if waving off my next-door neighbor ... "See you soon ..."

Already in their car and prepared to go, Samantha, just two years old, hollered, "Love ... love ..." meaning she wanted to kiss them both goodbye. With her in my arms I leaned her into the passenger side as she planted a wet kiss on Michelle's lips, then carried her over to Michael so she could do the same.

As they drove off I couldn't help but smile. My love for Jonothan, the son I relinquished, came upon me so quickly and so fiercely that I nearly choked from it. Lifting my eyes to the Heaven's I thanked God in what would be a moment of salvation and redemption I shall never forget.

© Courtney Frey

Whew!

Well here I am. We've got the trailer unpacked from our five-day trip around the mountains of Colorado. I waved my hubby off to a late round of golf and rushed over to my computer to catch up on everything and to share my joy with all of you.

It's funny, I knew we were planning on a trip with some friends that would eventually take us right near where Courtney lives but it just didn't click that meant "RIGHT NEAR COURTNEY", until the night before we were to leave it suddenly hit me right between the eyes. So I tossed off a quick email to Courtney with our cell phone number so she could get a hold of me and we could hopefully get together.

When we spoke on the phone she was so warm and it immediately felt like I already knew her voice. I was even honored with an impromptu concert by Courtney's 2 yr old, Sam, and her musical guitar. LOL She's a huge star in the making! I loved every second of it even if I couldn't understand the words over the phone. :-) She invited me over for the following day and I spent the rest of the evening on pins and needles like a kid on Christmas Eve.

Let me tell you ladies, when you first see Courtney you're struck by just how beautiful she is on the outside. Thin and tan and drop dead gorgeous (she needs to redo her picture on this site 'cause it doesn't even do her justice). But what stays with you after you've been with her for more than 2 seconds, is her inner beauty. She is WONDERFUL!! And she gives the BEST hugs! She is also a fantastic mommy to her three gorgeous kids. I wanna be just like her when I grow up and become a mom! LOL

My hubby and I spent 3 1/2 hours with her and it felt like 3 1/2 minutes. I guess it's a good thing that my hubby came with me 'cause he'd still be trying to drag me outta there if he hadn't. I took a couple of pictures of Courtney and her kids and of Courtney and me. They are being developed as I write this. We are gonna figure out a way for everyone to see them as soon as we can. I promise!!

I just wanted to take a moment and share my joy at finally meeting our Courtney and I wanted everyone to know that she is even better in person than any of us could ever imagine!

Thanks for the hugs, Courtney!! And tell Amanda, Brandon and Sam hi for me. Next time, I visit I'm leaving the hubby at home (sorry Hon :-) ) and bringing my video camera so I can capture those beautiful kids and their Mom in action.

Everyone have a great weekend and keep safe! I'm heading back to the store to get the pictures they should be ready by now. Love and hugs to y'all!!!!!!

Love,
Michelle

Credits: Courtney Frey