The Men We Know

Several things come to my mind as I write this. It is time that fathers, good fathers, are given the respect and platform they so deserve. I also feel that fathers are not given nearly enough support and information in comparison to what is offered for women. Especially in the adoption community. On-line and off.

And I've heard far too many stories of the men we know not being involved in the lives of our children. So I tell this man's story for one purpose---for proof that a good man, a righteous man, can and should make a difference.

James, at the age of twenty one, was a gorgeous Marine in full dress blues. He stood before the alter in a little church in Las Vegas, a virgin, about to marry a teen mother. The child was not his, but one would not know it by watching him play with her. The couple hardly knew one another except that had James not married the young mother, she would have no place to go and no means to raise her child.

As they sat in the little Dodge Colt in the parking lot of the famous wedding chapel, busses of tourists swarming around them, James took the hand of his new wife and prayed, "Lord, make me a worthy husband and father. Bless this marriage and guide me and direct me so that I honor you in all things."

Ten months later James stood before his wife and directed her breathing as she entered the third stage of labor with their first child. One could not know that it had been decided between the two of them that if the child born were a boy, James' wife would leave them and the marriage forever. She had given birth to a son, five years before that, and placed him for adoption. In the late night hours as James sat and watched his wife cry and scream and beg for God to give her anything but a boy ... he prayed. "Father, ease her pain just enough to open her heart in love for our child. Give me strength to keep her." And when their son was born, James cried without shame, for this was flesh of his flesh and no other love could be as great as that. So great in fact that James took maternity leave and cared for his son just born and the daughter he'd grown to love equally as much. His wife stayed in bed for two months. She never held her child; she did not even look his way. But James clung to his faith and held tight to what was right. He spoon fed his wife, carried her into the bath, played dress up with his daughter, and stayed up all night with his infant son. Not once did he cry in pity, not once did he scream in rage, not once did he reprimand the wife who had broken his heart. And the only words he said when he left for a three week training duty were, "I love you." As he drove off that day he said one simple prayer, "Lord, keep her until I return."

Six years later, to the sounds of three children excited that daddy is home, I run to embrace the man who kept me even when I did not deserve it. For my husband is a man who fears God, does what is right, and never gives up in the face of adversity. He is the example I praise God my son will follow, and I pray he is the inspiration behind a new generation of young men searching for worthy manhood.

Many of you who know me know my work on this adoption site, know that I have three children, and know the journey I have taken and continue to walk. But I share this intimate story of my husband with you because truly, without him, I would never have found myself nor would I be the mother I am today. So if any of you have men you know like this, or with the potential to mirror this ... support, encourage, love, and admire them. They are truly a rare breed

© Courtney Frey

Credits: Courtney Frey