To Judge Without Knowing

~Emily and Myself~
~ For those who have ever judged a birthmother for her choice ~

I am a birthmother.

Please, do not limit me to being just a birthmother. Look at me! I am a woman. I am a mother. I am a parent. I am someone's daughter, someone's best friend.

Do not try to put a label upon me to make yourself feel safe. Do not cast me in a box with every other birthmother out there.

I do not need to justify myself to you every time you dispute my reason. Each time you question the love I have for my child.

I realize that for the rest of my life I may face judgmental attitudes because of a choice I made privately to place my first born for adoption. Each morning I arise with that understanding.

In our country, if you abort your child, you are exercising your choice. What about the birthmother's choice? My child lives, but you say I do not love.

I believe children are gifts from God. Not possessions. How could I keep a child, just because she came from my body? Is that reason enough? That is selfish.

You say the reasons I have placed have been proven groundless. You say I will walk a road to hell bearing my own shame. You say that I am in denial. You do not know me from the next.

And yet, you speak, and you speak ignorance.

And yet, I still lift my head high.

I do not need your validation. I do not need your permission to feel like a mother, a woman, a birthmother, a person. I know who and what I am.

Alone I will have to stand before God and account for my choices. His validation I need, and I have it! I am honored in His sight, for I put a child's needs before my wants.

You say you do not understand how I can place a child, then two years later have another and keep him. YOU do not have to understand! Doesn't the plank in your own eye get heavy? You do not need to load yourself with my burdens as well!

Life is fragile, and it can turn on a dime. Do not belittle my path, for you yourself may walk upon it!

So many ask to chose life, yet when we do, we are judged. I chose life, not only to give birth to my children, but to make life-changing decisions for my child and myself.

Many adoptive parents are adored for their newly adopted child. Where do you think these children come from? From women like me. Take a good look at me, this is the face of a Birthmother.

Say and think whatever you wish about me. It is much easier to try to destroy, than to uplift. It is easier to be ignorant than educated.

One thing I must say...

Never question my love for my children! My love flows to the depths of my very being.

I died the day I placed my daughter for adoption!

I died when I walked out of the hospital room, leaving her in the arms of her new mother.

I will not die at the hand of your comments to me!

Only now, through my writing, I am finding great healing.

It is easier to judge, to judge without knowing. You should know, you are not just commenting on my work, or my thoughts, but my very heart.

No one can touch my choice, which is the one thing I possess no one person can have. For I keep it tucked safely in the innermost parts of my heart.

© 2000 Skye Hardwick

* I wrote this in response to a ignorant comment left on one of my articles. Her words speak more about her, than me.*

Credits: Skye Hardwick