My Crazy Life

My name is Laura, and I was born January 31, 1984. I have two brothers and three sisters: Laurie (my twin), Jonnetta who's 12, Demetrious who's 28, Cynthia who's 25, and Robert who's 7. Let me tell you a bit about my life.

When I was about six months old, Laurie and I were put into an orphanage. I don't remember how I was treated, but I do remember crying for my mom constantly. After a few months, my mom became stable (off drugs) and we were put back into her care. I loved my mom with all my heart, and I didn't care about anything bad she was doing, as long as I was with her.

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Growing up, we moved around a lot! I went through five elementary and four junior high schools. Moving around gave me a chance to get to know different places, and I think it drove my brothers and sisters closer together, but there was nothing else good about it.

Robert was born when I was nine, and the minute he was born, I became his mother. I made his bottles, and woke up at 2:00 a.m. every morning to feed him and sing him back to sleep. At the time, Mom was getting into abusive relationships. One guy went to jail after beating Mom with the wooden ladder to my bunk bed, but she got back with him as soon as he got out. Another guy beat Mom up when she stepped in to protect me. Despite all that, and even though she used to leave us alone with her drug-using friends, I never felt like I wasn't taken care of or that I was in an unsafe environment around my mom.

I got a job selling candy door-to-door when I was 12. After I'd worked there more than a year, Mom started asking for my money to pay bills. Pretty soon I found out she was spending the money on drugs, so I stopped working and we moved again. People told me that my mom was putting too many responsibilities on me, but I just saw it as preparing me for life. At least now I know what it's like to raise kids, and I'm going to wait until I'm in a stable relationship, financially stable, and older than 20.

When I was 14, Mom found my brother Demetrious and my sister Cynthia. Mom had lost contact with them 16 years before after they were placed for adoption. My mom was happier than she had ever been before. She found her babies.

The first time I met Demetrious, I gave him the silent treatment. I was tired of getting attached to someone and having them leave me behind when my mom would push them out of our lives. A month passed by and I began to realize he wasn't going to leave me. So I started to give him my full attention. Then, my big sister flew out from Texas with her baby. I got attached to them really fast. So we were all together again and everything was going perfect, until my mom started craving money all the time.

Mom then decided to move to L.A. and become homeless because she was told that homeless people got Section 8 housing faster. So, we tailed along and moved into a homeless shelter together. It was frightful. We were a white family in a black neighborhood, and though we kids got along with everyone, Mom didn't. From that shelter, we moved to a shelter with more privacy and space, and changed schools again. We moved into a third filthy shelter over the summer and then found a small duplex with a big yard for our dog. There were lots of kids to play with, and we liked living there until Mom started leaving us alone all the time. We had lots of freedom and lots of friends, but no mom.

My mom once left me responsible for my two sisters and my brother for a whole week. I had to make sure they had food to eat and weren't out late at night because we were living in a bad neighborhood. Can you imagine how scared we were every night for a whole week with no supervision? I had to be with my sisters and brother 24-7 so that I knew they were okay.

After living in the house for about six months, my mom confessed that she had started doing drugs again. Things were changing really fast, and she had started seeing a man I didn't like named Rick. He did drugs and nearly strangled her once when he was high. I don't know if you can tell or not, but I have to protect my mom and keep track of where she is. She gets into a lot of trouble without even trying.

At 1:00 a.m. on August 29, 1998, my mom came banging on my window and told me to unlock the front door. Mom rushed me out of the living room like she was trying to hide something, but I was tired, so I just went back to bed. I woke up again at about 8:30 and went outside to play with the dogs like always. Ten minutes later, Rick walked out the front door with a TV and three bags of stuff.

When I asked him what he was doing, he announced there was something wrong with my mom. I went inside, busted through the living room door, and found my mom with her head in the mattress, naked, and purple. I started to pat her back to wake her up, but she didn't move or breathe. I started to cry knowing Mom was dead. I looked around and the place was torn up. All of a sudden, I became very angry and ran out the door. Soon I caught up with Rick. "What happened to my mom?" I asked.

He replied, "I woke up and I tried to wake her up, but she didn't move. So I got scared and gathered my stuff together to leave."

I started to run around the corner to call the police, but Rick told me to go get my brother and sisters and take them to a friend's house. Then he said, "As soon as the police get here, they're going to take you and the other kids to social services."

When I got back to the house, I woke everyone up and told them there was something wrong with Mom and we had to leave right away. Ten minutes after we got to my friend's house, her parents arrived and my sisters told them what happened. I then announced that our mom was dead, and they all began to cry.

After the police arrived, I went back to my house and told them what had happened. They told me that my mom had been dead for seven to eight hours. The police also told me that if we couldn't find a family member to stay with, we would have to go with them. I called Cynthia, and when she finally arrived and learned about Mom's death, she cried too. It turns out that Rick had a bunch of Mom's stuff in the bags he was carrying, as well as drugs and a needle. He confessed to the police that he and Mom were doing cocaine before she died.

The funeral took place September 4th. I cried the whole time, especially when I got to see Mom one last time in her coffin. She didn't even look like the mom I knew. Her make up was different, and she was really cold. I then began crying harder and louder. When I was little, Mom promised she would never leave me, and at that moment I realized she was gone physically, but she will always be in my heart. I kissed her forehead and said, "I love you Mom."

Social services drove us away from the funeral in a big blue van. As we were driving off, my little brother said something I will always remember. "Laura," he asked, "are you going to get adopted?" I don't know if he knew what he was saying, but it was heart warming. It showed he cared about me and where we were going.

We spent time in two foster homes--one not so nice, and one that was fun--while Demetrious was working to get licensed as a foster care provider. Because he and Cynthia were legally adopted by different parents, social services didn't consider them to be our relatives, and wouldn't place us with either of them unless they got a foster license. My little brother left to go live with his dad, but because our dads weren't around, my sisters and I had to stay in foster care.

Within a few months, Demetrious got licensed and found a house that would fit all of us, and we moved in with him. I like living with him, even though we get into a lot of disagreements. My sisters and I are finally in a stable home and are given the attention we need. We all get good grades in school and cherish our brother for giving up his single life to take in three sisters he had only known for six months. Now he's filing for legal guardianship for me, Laurie, and Jonnetta.

But every month, we still see a social worker. We got assigned to a worker who doesn't seem to care about his work or us. What if I need money for college? He doesn't know how I can get it, and college is very important to me. Hopefully he'll see my story, change his attitude, and start doing his job with feeling instead of dullness.

I also have to go to court every six months. When I'm there I see kids my age coming out of court crying and remember how I've done that too. I begin to feel the pain they're feeling when I couldn't go with my mom or brother when I wanted to. Hopefully, they will have a happy ending just like I did.

Though my life is good now, I think of my mom every day. I used to have bad dreams every night and even thought of committing suicide to be with her. Because of those problems, I went to counseling for a year and a half. It's helped me a lot and I know now that suicide would've been the wrong decision. I've decided to live my life the best I can with what I have left, my darling brothers and sisters.

Well, I thank you all for listening to my story, and hopefully my life experiences will direct you to the right path in your life. Don't make yourself and your kids suffer like my mom and I did.

(NACAC)
970 Raymond Avenue, Suite 106
St. Paul, MN 55114
phone: 651-644-3036
fax: 651-644-9848
e-mail: info@nacac.org
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