Ask Your Parent Educator

Most of the questions asked of parent educators, pediatricians, and others involved with families of young children have to do with discipline. There are many views and suggestions on this topic by my advice to parents is, "If they promise they have the answer to your problem, your situation, run - do not walk - as fast as you can!" The reason for this attitude is that no one out there has the knowledge that you do about your child, your family and what is important to you.

At a recent conference I attended the developmental psychologist told us to pick up our pens and pencils so she could give us the five steps to discipline. Then she said, "I don't know what they are and probably no one else does either. There is no five step plan, no perfect solution, because we are working with human beings and humans are different from each other. In the way they think, in the way they feel, and in the ways they express both of these." Actually, she did give us five steps because as she spoke about young children she impressed upon us how important it was to stop, observe and think about the behaviors we want to change. She said that we must put all behaviors into developmental perspective to understand the child's motivation. Therefore, I believe that the five steps are: who, when, where and how. When we have that information we can figure out the why.

Parent's Question: What do I do when my 7 month old throws food on the floor?

For example, when a young child of 7 months or so throws his food off his tray onto the floor parents get upset. This is not acceptable behavior and the child must understand so he will not do this all through his life. If we look at what is happening developmentally we find that children of this age are beginning to develop object permanence, which means that they are beginning to understand that objects still exist even if they are out of sight. So, being the little scientists they are, they test this theory over and over by throwing food and finding that it still exists - there it is! On the floor! Again and again it keeps showing up! Put in that perspective, what parent wouldn't want to know that their child is doing this because his is learning, he is building connections in his brain that will allow him to learn and to make his way in the world.

To complete this example we, as parents and caretakers, must use our role as designers of our child's environment to provide him with other ways of discovering object permanence and to reinforce acceptable eating behavior by assuming the child is no longer hungry when he begins to play with the food. Removing the child from the high chair and playing hide and seek or peek-a-boo with him will teach the same lesson in a more acceptable manner.

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