"To Spank or Not to Spank"
A Panel Discussion
The National Council on Family Relations (NCFR) held its annual conference called "Fatherhood and Motherhood" on November 5-10, 1997, in Crystal City, Virginia. At this conference, I was invited to participate in a one-hour panel discussion sponsored by the Peace Focus Group. This group sponsors discussions on a topic relevant to the issue of peace, along with the theme of the biannual conference. This year's topic was "To Spank or Not to Spank."
Panel Participants:
* Judith Myers-Walls, Associate Professor of Developmental Studies and Extension Specialist in Human Development at Purdue University
* Dawn Ramsburg, Doctoral Student in Human and Community Development and Research Assistant at the National Parent Information Network at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign
* David Pratto, Professor and Department Head of Sociology at the University of North Carolina-Greensboro
* Thomas Chibucos, Professor and Department Chair of Family and Consumer Sciences at Bowling Green State University
Panel Moderator: Deborah Gentry, Professor of Family and Consumer Sciences at Illinois State University
Key Questions for Panelists
What is discipline?
Discipline was defined by the panelists as "a domain (such as sociology or psychology), a habit of the mind, a part of the conscious attempt to socialize or shape behavior, a way of interacting with children, and a process of teaching children how to think and behave in certain ways, rather than an endpoint or consequence."
"Physical punishment ('spanking') is one method of disciplining, but when people talk about needing to discipline their children, they almost always mean physical punishment."
"People who discipline are always in positions of power, whether in the family or in institutions (teachers discipline; the legal system disciplines)."
When is spanking used?
Spanking is generally used in response to the following behaviors:
* Oppositional behaviors, such as talking back to parents or saying "No"
* Aggression, such as hitting, fighting, or biting
* Conflicts over chores, including not cleaning up room or refusing to do homework
* Following rules, such as bedtime or leaving a bike in the driveway
* Protecting the child in dangerous situations, such as when the child runs into the street
Panelists made the point that parents often report spanking when children engage in oppositional behaviors. Panelists suggested that parents feel frustration in such situations and a need to be doing something to control the child's behavior.
Parents seem to use spanking less in what they perceive as learning situations, such as when a child is learning (or having difficulty learning) how to tie his or her shoelaces. Yet some common situations when spanking is used may also be thought of as "learning situations." For example, not cleaning his or her room may happen because the child does not know how to clean the room. It's helpful if parents try to understand the causes of misbehavior.
For example, when parents ask themselves questions like "Why is my child resisting going to bed?" they are more likely to respond helpfully. Upon reflecting upon the child's motivations, parents may realize that the motivations for the "misbehavior" are appropriate. Motivations for resisting going to bed could be related to curiosity about what the adults are doing, fear of the dark, or simply not being tired. Depending on the child's motivation, parents might find different responses helpful, such as installing a night light or setting a later bedtime if the child is consistently not tired at bedtime.
Once parents begin thinking about the causes of a child's behavior, they can begin moving away from trying to control an immediate behavior to thinking about how to bring about the behaviors they want in the child in the long term. They begin to think about how their responses fit into the larger context of their parenting, including learning to connect parenting responses with overall family goals and values in life.
From a peace context, seeing the larger picture is especially important as parents reflect on how they want to teach their children about relationships between people.
Final Comments
"Spanking is a power-assertion approach which leaves parents responsible for managing children's behavior. But when parenting for peace and justice, both parents and children must become problem-solvers together." Judith Myers-Walls
"Parents may feel confused over their 'proper' parental authority. Yet even though they have an unequal relationship with their children, they can still be fair and just. Parents should ask themselves, 'Where must I assert my power, and when do I have an obligation to limit my power?'" Thomas Chibucos
"It is important for parents to understand their goals for their children. Once you figure out your goals, it becomes much clearer what you may need to do to help guide your children in achieving those goals. If control is a goal, parents must ask themselves 'What can I control?' By better understanding the growth and development of the child, this question can be answered more easily." Dawn Ramsburg
"Some ethnic groups have adaptive approaches to disciplining their children which are functional to achieving their goals. For example, to meet a goal of helping their child to survive, parents have to teach this child to listen to them. This may only be accomplished through physical punishment." Thomas Chibucos
"It is important to reflect on your values as a family and as a parent and decide whether you are willing to risk the damage to the relationship with your child and the modeling of violence by spanking." Judith Myers-Walls
". . . it may be necessary to decide how committed you are willing to be as a parent. Ask yourself if you would choose to physically punish a misbehavior or withdraw love as a punishment. From this perspective, you may think that physical punishment is not as harsh. But remember that it doesn't have to be an alternative." David Pratto
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