The Debate over Spanking
Spanking is one of the most controversial discipline methods. On one side of the debate are the parents who believe that it is all right to spank their children. At the other end are those who think that children should never be spanked. Somewhere in the middle are parents who believe that spanking should be used only in particular instances (e.g., when the child runs out into the street). Part of the reason for the debate is that parents and experts often define spanking differently. To some, spanking means "slapping a child on the buttocks" (Straus, 1995), while others consider spanking a generic term for slapping or hitting any part of the child. Spanking may also be referred to as beating, whipping, swatting, or corporal punishment.Reasons for Spanking
While many adults would argue that hitting people is wrong, spanking children continues to be used as an acceptable form of discipline among many parents in the United States. They think spanking will teach children not to do things that are forbidden, stop them quickly when they are being irritating, and encourage them to do what they should (Leach, 1996). In addition, some parents believe that the nonphysical forms of discipline, like time-out, do not work (Samalin & Whitney, 1995). Spanking is also a practice more firmly rooted in some areas of the country than others (it is more common in the southern United States) and in some cultures more than others (Flynn, 1996; Scarr, 1995).
Effectiveness of Spanking
While spanking may relieve a parent's frustration and briefly stop misbehavior, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics (1995), researchers suggest that spanking may be the least effective discipline method. To test this hypothesis, researchers surveyed parents with the assumption that if spanking worked, children who were spanked would learn to behave better over time so that they needed punishing less frequently (Leach, 1996). However, the results showed that families who start spanking before their children are a year old are just as likely to spank their four-year-old children as often as families who do not start spanking until later. Thus, children appear not to be learning the lessons parents are trying to teach by spanking.
Poor results may result because spanking by itself does not teach an alternative behavior (American Academy of Pediatrics, 1995). In fact, children usually feel resentful, humiliated, and helpless after being spanked (Samalin & Whitney, 1995). The primary lesson they learn appears to be that they should try harder not to get caught.
Spanking also sends the wrong message to children (Samalin & Whitney, 1995). Spanking communicates that hitting is an acceptable way to solve problems, and that it is all right for a big person to strike a smaller one. In addition, when children are spanked, they may know that they have done something wrong, but in many cases, they are too young to understand the lesson. It is a very difficult message for any adult or child to understand: "I hurt you because I don't want you hurt."
Finally, spanking may have some potentially harmful long-term effects such as increasing the chances of misbehavior, aggression, violent or criminal behavior, impaired learning, depression, and suicide (Straus, 1995).
Alternatives to Spanking
One reason why parents spank is that they are not aware of other effective strategies for changing children's undesirable behavior. To be effective, discipline that is appropriate for the child's age should be used. Ineffective methods are often based on unrealistic expectations about what children are capable of learning.
Suggestions for Infants
1. When there is danger, grasp an infant's hand instead of slapping (Leach, 1996).
2. When the infant is holding something that you do not want him to have, trade a toy instead of forcing the item from him (Leach, 1996). He will only hold on tighter if you try to take something away.
3. Baby-proof your living space so that there is nothing dangerous or breakable in reach (Ruben, 1996; Samalin & Whitney, 1995).
4. Leave the room if you feel your temper flaring, making sure that the baby is in a safe place like a playpen (Leach, 1996).
Infants respond impulsively to many situations without a real understanding of their surroundings and abilities. Spanking will only cause fear and anxiety in children who do not yet understand such concepts as consequences and danger.
Suggestions for Toddlers
1. Make sure the environment is safe by removing any harmful or dangerous objects (Samalin & Whitney, 1995). It is natural for toddlers to want to explore their environment. Always supervise toddlers; it is unrealistic to expect a toddler to play safely without adult supervision for more than a few minutes (Leach, 1996).
2. Avoid direct clashes with toddlers, which will only make both of you angry and frustrated. Instead, try a diversion or distraction (Leach, 1996). Many problem situations can be eased with something funny or unexpected, such as tickling a mildly upset child (Ruben, 1996).
3. Use your size and strength to eliminate situations (Leach, 1996). Simply lift an uncooperative child out of the bath or carry a child who refuses to walk.
4. If you start to deliver a slap, divert it to your knee or a table (Leach, 1996). This sound will interrupt the behavior without hitting the child.
Disciplining toddlers requires a tremendous investment of time, energy, and patience, so it is important to find effective and appropriate techniques (Ruben, 1996). For example, it will not be effective to tell toddlers not to play with items that are dangerous to them such as the stove, because they do not understand the consequences (Samalin & Whitney, 1995). Spanking, however, will not clarify the consequences, either. Instead, children will more likely learn from spanking that "I'm a bad person," rather than "I did a bad thing." Finally, you must use discipline methods consistently, or your child will learn that you are not serious.
Suggestions for Older Children
1. When you start to feel angry with your children, clap your hands loudly (Leach, 1996). The sound will interrupt their behavior.
2. If your child refuses to listen to you, crouch down to his level, grasp his arms firmly so he cannot avoid looking at you, and then talk calmly (Leach, 1996).
3. Since spanking does not occur in calm, rational moments (Samalin & Whitney, 1995), it is especially important to control your anger to prevent "losing it." You can walk away, hit a pillow, call a friend, or write a note. Once you have cooled down, you will probably feel less inclined to spank.
4. If you feel you must punish your children, make sure it directly follows the incident so that they can learn the lesson you want to teach (Leach, 1996). For example, if your child rides her bike onto a road that is forbidden, take the bike away for the afternoon. This teaches her that roads can be dangerous, that you are concerned for her safety, and that you will enforce safety rules as long as they are needed. Taking away TV, dessert, or spanking will not teach anything related to bicycle safety.
5. Introduce the appropriate use of time-out (Ruben, 1996). Time-out used as a punishment is controversial. When used to allow a few minutes for a school-age child to regain control of his emotions, it can be effective in stopping a cycle of inappropriate behavior.
Suggestions for All Ages
1. Reward good behavior. Hugs and praise will go a long way (Ruben, 1996).
2. Try an ounce of prevention (Ruben, 1996). Effective discipline means announcing clear, simple family rules (the fewer, the better) at a time when children are calm and listening.
3. Try to understand the feelings behind your child's actions (Ruben, 1996). Ask older children why they are angry. For an infant, ask yourself when she cries: Does she want to be held? Is her diaper wet? Is she hungry?
4. Share your change of heart (Ruben, 1996). If you have spanked your children in the past, but have decided that you will stop, talk to your children about it. This can be a valuable lesson for your whole family if you say, "I was wrong to spank you, and I don't want to do it anymore."
Conclusion
The question of whether or not parents should spank their children is not easy to answer. However, spanking is only one of the factors which needs to be considered in the overall discipline process. In deciding how to discipline their children parents should first ask, "what do I want to accomplish?" If the answer is "to teach my children how to make good choices on their own," spanking may not even be an issue.
Sources:
American Academy of Pediatrics. (1995). Caring for your school-age child: Ages 5-12. New York: Bantam Books.
Flynn, Clifton. (1996). Regional differences in spanking experiences and attitudes: A comparison of Northeastern and Southern college students. Journal of Family Violence, 11, 59-80.
Leach, Penelope. (July 9, 1996). Spanking: A shortcut to nowhere. [On-line]. Available Internet: http://www.empathicparenting.org/spank.htm
Ruben, David. (1996, September). Should you spank? Parenting, 136-141.
Samalin, Nancy, & Whitney, Catherine. (1995, May). What's wrong with spanking? Parents, 70(5), 35-36. Scarr, Sandra. (1995, February 8). Southern parents spank children more than Northern parents, study finds. [On-line]. Available Internet: gopher://minerva.acc.Virginia.EDU:70/00/news/prour/Feb1995/spanking
Straus, Murray. (1995). Beating the devil out of them: Corporal punishment in American families. New York: Lexington Books.
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