To Spank or Not to Spank?
With the recent coverage of the woman caught on video beating her 4-year old daughter, American parents need to rethink their discipline methods.Spanking has been outlawed in 10 countries, ranging from Norway to Germany. It sets an example of violence for children. And it doesn't teach children how to deal with situations in a calm, reasonable manner. These are reasons why experts argue against spanking.
Barbara Unell, one of the nation's leading "anti-spanking" advocates and the co-author of "Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking" thinks there are better ways to deal with discipline problems.
"The primary message given when parents shout or spank is that adults are bigger, stronger and more powerful than children and can inflict pain if displeased," said Unell.
"The resulting sense of being a victim and being powerless in the face of greater size and strength creates fear and anxiety in children, and ultimately the desire to use violence themselves when upset," Unell explained.
Studies conclude shouting and spanking are counterproductive. They show:
* Spanking as punishment simply drives bad behavior underground;
* All degrees of shouting and spanking - light, moderate, occasional, rarely, always - give children the wrong kind of attention;
* Spanking is also often the earliest experience a child has with violence;
* When children see that it's permissible for adults to hit children, they assume it must be permissible for children to hit adults or other children;
* Many studies show that when children who are frequently abused, threatened with abuse, or witness others being abused, are at high risk for learning that violence is a way to solve problems, get what they want, or protect themselves from a perceived threat.
Parents are urged to show their children the same respect given to others in their home. This doesn't mean children shouldn't follow rules; it means they should be taught in a kind and respectful way how to follow them.
"When you don't shout at or spank your child, you show them the kind of respect that you expect in return," Unell says. "Parenting doesn't have to be about punishing your child; it should be about teaching your child positive behaviors."
There are some simple ways to teach positive behaviors to children. They include:
* Decide on the specific behavior you would like to change, then focus on specific ways, rather than abstracts, to make this happen. Don't just tell your child to be neat. Explain that you want the books picked up before she goes out to play;
* Praise your child's behavior, not just the child. Since you want to manage what they're doing, compliment the actions that lead to good behavior;
* Continue the praise as long as the new behavior needs that support. It will motivate your child to continue positive actions;
* Try to avoid power struggles with your child. A good idea for getting a child to do something faster is to set a timer and challenge the child to complete the task before the bell rings;
* Be there. You don't have to be with your child every minute of the day, but close attention will insure that behavior problems are promptly noticed and corrected;
* Avoid being a historian. Leave bad behavior in the past and don't bring it up to remind children of failures.
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