What to Do when Your Child Bullies

On yard duty, Mrs. Cameron was paying particular attention to her own Grade 3 students. Several times lately, she had witnessed Jeffrey, the biggest boy in the class, picking on some of the smaller kids. Sometimes, Jeffrey would push a child for no apparent reason. At other times, he seemed to seek out a particular classmate to harass. After watching him shove Timmy, a bespectacled boy half his size, into a mud puddle, Mrs. Cameron decided it was time to meet with Jeffrey's parents.

Bullies can make life miserable, not just for others but also for themselves. As they go through school, bullies do less well academically and become increasingly unpopular with their peers. Their behavior often leads them to bad company and crime.

That's why any responsible parent will want to work diligently to help a bullying child change his or her destructive behavior.

Researchers have found that bullies often perceive social situations incorrectly. They misunderstand good-natured teasing, for instance, and see provocation where none actually exists. If a parent notices such a pattern in his child's behavior, he can share his observations with his child and suggest non-aggressive ways to deal with conflict.

There's a good case to be made for banning or limiting television watching for bullying children. Ours is a society, which not only tolerates but also often glorifies violent behavior. The medium's message is that its OK to pummel, bonk and otherwise hurt anyone who gets in our way.

Parents of bullies will also want to examine their own child rearing practices. In many cases bullies are created when a noncompliant child meets up with parents whose discipline methods are inconsistent or harsh. Fair, non-physical treatment from parents can do much to help a child change his own unacceptable behavior.