When You Get Lemons, Make Lemonade
My husband talked the other day with a teen that was just expelled from school. He, along with two friends, hacked into the school computer, just to show them it could be done. They did cause a lot of disruption and damage and should be punished, but why expulsion?Don't get me wrong, I believe in stiff consequences for serious crimes. I think the punishment should fit the crime, but unless a child is a danger to others, I do not believe the child should be expelled from school. We must all admit that a kid that can do what these kids did has an excellent mind and a fabulous imagination. They probably worked very hard to accomplish this feat which shows initiative and perseverance- two traits we wish our children to develop. Please understand it is not that I condone the crime. It was wrong. I just question the judgment of the school in their choice of consequences. Was this the only option?
My husband suggested they make these kids undo the damage they did rather than get an expert to fix it. Coming to school on Saturdays to do it would make it a better consequence. Losing computer privileges for a period of time seems practical. Turn the bad behavior into something useful- a lesson that teaches while not breaking the spirit or keeping a keen mind from learning.
Following the example above with every bad situation and behavior is key to changing the child. A child who steals and must work to pay off the money has a much better grasp of the problem than one who is just grounded. A child who cannot control his anger, may be taught martial arts which teaches a control of emotions with lots of physical action. He will probably excel at this sport. A punishment for a lazy child not doing his chores must be work. Work is a habit he must learn. Turn his bad behavior to something useful. Give them a chore that really needs doing. Show them that getting that job done for you is very helpful.
Think about every problem you have with your teen and soon you may come up with a solution or consequence that teaches the lesson you wish to teach. Empty punishments, unconnected consequences really are not effective when disciplining teens.
Credits: Jo Ann Wentzel
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