How to Adopt, Page 1

The information below provides an overview of the steps involved in adopting a child from the United States foster care system. To request more information about other types of adoption or a list of local resources, send an e-mail message to info@nacac.org and let us know the information you need. Please be sure to include your mailing address.

Of the approximately 588,000 children who have been separated from their birth parents and placed in foster care, about 134,000 can never return to their original home. They need the nurturing and support that a permanent family can provide, and deserve a chance to grow up feeling secure and loved. That is where special needs adoption comes into play. It's not so much about finding a child for a family, but instead finding the most suitable family for each waiting child.

"Special needs" is a phrase used to classify children who, for various reasons, have a harder time finding families willing to adopt them. Often special needs include factors such as age, background, and physical, mental, or emotional challenges. Typically, children who have special needs have been separated from their birth families, live in foster care, are school-aged, and may have physical or mental disabilities.

Some children have physical or mental conditions that require special treatment; others have emotional scars from abuse or neglect. Children may also be classified as special needs if they are part of a sibling group that is being placed for adoption together, or members of a minority group. Every state sets its own special needs definition. See the glossary for additional information about a variety of special needs.

Every adoption experience is as unique as the families, children, and service personnel involved. Common to every adoption, however, are certain steps that lead from first thinking about adoption to finally welcoming a new child (or children) into your life. The 14 steps listed below-typical for most domestic (adoption of American children by American citizens) special needs adoptions-provide a basic overview of how you may want to approach the adoption process.

1. Educate yourself about adoption.
2. Decide what type of adoption you want pursue.
3. Investigate ways to cover adoption expenses.
4. Select an adoption agency.
5. Let your agency know that you are serious about adopting.
6. Complete an adoption application.
7. Begin the home study process.
8. Attend adoption and parenting classes.
9. Begin searching for a child.
10. Select a child.
11. Prepare for your child's arrival.
12. Have the child placed in your home.
13. File a petition to adopt.
14. Finalize the adoption.

Step 1: Educate Yourself About Adoption
Written Materials

*William Lewis Gage publishes an online Readers' Guide to Adoption-Related Literature that contains hundreds of fiction and nonfiction titles for adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents, and others who have a tie to adoption. The online Guide also contains links to bookstores and other resources for information about adoption. Visit the list at http://members.aol.com/billgage/lit-list.htm.

*Some publishers and booksellers produce or market many child welfare and adoption-related materials. Some of the best known include:

Child Welfare League of America
440 First St. N.W., 3rd Floor
Washington, DC 20001-2085
202-638-2952 · fax: 202-638-4004
web: www.cwla.org/pubs

The Haworth Press, Inc.
10 Alice St.
Binghamton, NY 13904-1580
800-429-6784 · fax: 800-895-0582
e-mail: getinfo@haworthpressinc.com
web: www.haworthpress.com

Perspectives Press
P.O. Box 90318
Indianapolis, IN 46290-0318
317-872-3055 (phone & fax)
web: www.perspectivespress.com

R-Squared Press
721 Hawthorne St.
Royal Oak, MI 48067
248-543-0997 (phone & fax)
e-mail: brenr@r2press.com
web: www.r2press.com

Tapestry Books
P.O. Box 359
Ringoes, NJ 08551
800-765-2367 · fax: 908-788-2999
e-mail: info@tapestrybooks.com
web: www.tapestrybooks.com

The National Adoption Information Clearinghouse (NAIC) publishes a wide variety of adoption fact sheets, many of which are free or very inexpensive. It also provides information about state and federal adoption laws, and tracks upcoming adoption conferences. NAIC's web site includes a searchable collection of adoption-related articles and report abstracts, as well as a directory of more than 5,700 public and private adoption agencies, support groups, and government officials. To learn more, contact:

NAIC
330 C St. S.W.
Washington, DC 20447
888-251-0075 or 703-352-3488
fax: 703-385-3206
e-mail: NAIC@calib.com
web: http://naic.acf.hhs.gov

*Don't forget your phone book. Adoption agencies, advocates, attorneys, support groups, and more can be found listed in the Yellow Pages under "Adoption."

*Use your public library. Most libraries now have online access so you can use the internet, find listings of periodicals, and do inter-library transfers. A wealth of free information can be located through these means.

*Even your home computer can be a gateway to adoption information. The Internet has no shortage of information about adoption.

Adoption Conferences

Many national, regional, and local groups hold annual adoption conferences with workshops geared toward new or prospective adoptive parents. Two of the longest running and largest adoption conferences are NACAC's annual conference (held at different sites in the U.S. and Canada during late July or early August), and the Open Door Society (ODS) of Massachusetts' annual conference (held in Massachusetts every spring-call 800-93-ADOPT).

As mentioned above, NAIC maintains a list of upcoming conferences-call 888-251-0075, or visit them online at http://naic.acf.hhs.gov.

Self Assessment

Children don't need perfect parents, just one or two individuals willing to meet the unique challenges of parenting and make a lifetime commitment to caring for and nurturing their children. One of the advantages of special needs adoption is that almost any responsible adult can become an adoptive parent. Prospective parents do not have to be rich, married, under 40, highly educated, or homeowners to adopt. Far more important are personal characteristics like:

*a belief in adoption and an ability to commit;
*patience and perseverance;
*a good sense of humor and talent for keeping life in perspective;
*a love of children and parenting;
*the ability to roll with unexpected changes, stresses, and challenges;
*the ability to deal with rejection without taking it personally;
*the ability to accept without judging;
*tolerance and understanding for your child's conflicting feelings and your own;
*an awareness that healing doesn't come quickly, all wounds cannot be healed, and your child may not attach to your family;
*the strength to be consistent and set limits;
*a willingness to learn new parenting techniques and advocate for your children's educational and medical needs; and
*resourcefulness.

If you have all or most of those qualities, then ask yourself these questions:

*Do I clearly understand why I want to adopt?
*If applicable-Do my partner and I work as a team? Are we both committed to adoption?
*Does my lifestyle allow me the time necessary to meet the needs of a special child?

Think carefully about your answers to these questions. You may decide to pursue a different type of adoption, investigate foster care, or realize that adoption really is not for you. Take the time to make a good decision, because it is a decision you and your adoptive child will live with for life.

In addition, before seriously contemplating special needs adoption, prospective parents must honestly evaluate their desire and ability to successfully parent children who have troubling pasts and uncertain futures. Many children who become available for adoption at older ages have not received the early care that kids need to develop a strong sense of security, trust, and self-esteem. Many also suffer from conditions caused by past trauma, or prenatal exposure to alcohol or drugs. Children whose backgrounds include traumatic experiences, abuse, and/or neglect may exhibit symptoms of distress such as:

*aggressiveness
*attachment disorders
*attention deficits and hyperactivity
*bed wetting
*defiance
*depression
*impulsiveness
*learning disabilities
*low self-esteem
*lying
*poor peer relationships/social skills

Fortunately, through therapy, medication, and consistent care, children can also find ways to overcome or at least better cope with many of these challenges.

Most children put their new adoptive parents through a period of testing to see if the parents are truly committed or just waiting for an excuse to desert the child as others have done before. To improve your chances of successfully adopting a child who has special needs, be prepared to offer a home environment that combines extra love, support, and attention with clear structure and consistent limit-setting. Parents should also be ready to actively advocate for their child at school, with peers, and within the community. It can be immensely helpful for parents to have a support network or belong to an adoptive parent support group.

Other Resources

NACAC maintains a listing of adoptive parent support groups, as well as other good sources of information about special needs adoption. To request a list of local support groups and other adoption resources, contact NACAC at info@nacac.org.

Credits: North American Council on Adoptable Children (NACAC)