Should You Adopt?

When I talk to people about adoption, there are usually two primary questions:

Are there any children available?
Does it cost a lot of money?
The answer to the first question is a resounding YES. The answer to the second question is, it depends.

Are There Children Available for Adoption?

Each year in this country, there are approximately 130,000 adoptions. Of course, that includes all kinds of adoptions: step-parent, foster children, private, international. In addition to these completed adoptions, the more striking statistic is this: At any given time, more than 100,000 children await adoption in foster care. (AFA Guide to Adoption 1997-98) So, to say that there aren't children available to adopt simply is not true.

How Much Does It Cost to Adopt?

The cost of an adoption can be quite variable. It can be expensive, or cost nothing. Private adoptions through an agency or private attorney are probably around $20,000 and higher. Private agencies generally have a set fee, and they may also have a lengthy waiting list. The costs for an adoption through an attorney or facilitator (a new player in the adoption arena who assists couples in arranging private adoptions) are more unpredictable. In a private adoption, depending on the state, the costs might include payment for the birth mother's living expenses (which payment is unlawful in some states) and medical expenses, as well as traditional attorney's fees. The average international adoption is a little less unpredictable. You can expect fees of $20,000 or under, which may or may not include travel expenses to the foreign country. International adoptions typically take from one to two years.

At the other end of the financial spectrum, you could probably go to your local state social service agency and have many if not all of your fees waived and become a parent in a very short period of time.

With these very broad parameters in mind, what is the best way to get started on making the adoption decision? It should not be made lightly.

Step One: Pray
With these very broad parameters in mind, what is the best way to get started on making the adoption decision? It should not be made lightly.

Pray

Like most major life decisions, I believe the best way to get started in adoption is to pray for God to reveal His will for your life. Most couples who go through the process recount instance after instance of major and minor miracles in the adoption journey. Finances suddenly appear, small needs for baby items are met, relationships are sealed. In our journeys, these small measures of grace were wonderful gifts from God of assurance that our path was well taken.

Step Two: Set A TimeFrame
I also suggest that couples put a time frame on their decision making. The saddest stories I hear are those of couples who think about adopting, but think for too long and wake up to discover that they are too old to qualify for some adoption programs. Put a time limit on your research phase, perhaps six months to a year. By that time, you should have all your information gathered and be in a position to make a good decision.

Step Three: Familiarize Yourself With the Adoption Process
Read a good, general book about adoption. You must have a comfortable understanding of the process, the possibilities, the parties and the law. The more knowledgeable you are, the better position you are in to track your adoption journey, rather then relying on experts for all your advice.

Each year, a national group called Adoptive Families of America (AFA) publishes their Guide to Adoption. The publication is $5.00, which includes shipping, and has the most up-to-date information on adoption agencies and the types of adoptions they handle, current support groups for pre- and post-adoptive families, and attorneys who handle adoptions. Their toll-free number is below and should be used before any other resources are expended.

Adoptive Families of America: 1-800-372-3300

Step Four: Join A Support Group
I advise couples to join a support group. This may sound premature, but the people in an adoption support group can be your best source of information. These are people who have been through the process and they are familiar with the programs, the agencies, and the ins and outs. They can be a great source of information because most people who have successfully adopted LOVE to talk about the experience.

Many agencies have a free informational night for prospective parents. In fact, this informational night is usually required before getting any deeper into the process with their agency. Granted, they exist to highlight their particular program, but the meetings can provide a wealth of information for you.

Be aware that requirements to adopt may change. For the past several years, several states have required classes for prospective adoptive parents. For our fourth child, we had to attend two full Saturdays of parenting classes! Rather than complain about a requirement we felt was silly, we went, enjoyed ourselves, met some new people and even learned a few things.

Step Five: Keep A Positive Attitude
This brings me to my final point: your attitude. Some people are dissuaded from pursuing adoption because of perceived lengthy investigations, interviews, fingerprinting and the like. Our attitude was very positive. We wanted children. The people we were dealing with determined, to a large extent, whether or not that would happen. We expressed the attitude, "Show me the hoop to jump through and I'll cheerfully do it!" Any other attitude or lack of cooperation makes social service workers question your commitment.

Are You Ready to Consider Adoption?
When I wrote my book about adoption, I came up with a model for a decision making tree for adoptive couples. It is printed below. My prayer is that is will be of help to you as you consider this wonderful option to build your family.

Adoption: A Decision-Making Model

My spouse and I agree that adoption is how we will build our family if no Continue to pray, think, talk, study
Our marriage is stable and secure if no Go for counseling first. A child deserves a stable, loving home
My spouse and I are emotionally healthy and have basically resolved our fertility issues if no You need emotional health to withstand the adoption process to be an effective parent
We have decided on which type of adoption to pursue: infant, older, special needs, domestic, international if no Continue to read, research, send for information from agencies and groups, attend informational meetings
We have the financial ability to pay for an adoption if no Check into liquidation of assets, employee benefits, borrowing.