How We Became a Family

by Cynthia

My husband Bill and I talked about our hopes of raising a family even while we were dating. I knew then, and made sure he knew, that it might be hard for me to get pregnant. I wastold this by a doctor at age 18. So we went into the marriage knowing we might need help when we decided to start our family.

At one point I thought I was pregnant. We were not really ready to be pregnant at that time but we would make it work. I couldn't bring myself to go to the doctor right away. I hate going to the doctor so I just stopped taking birth control instead. I waited about three months and I was even more sure I must be pregnant. There was no evidence that I wasn't. I finally went to the doctor and learned I wasn't pregnant. I told her that I hadn't had a period in 4 monthsand hadn't used birth control in three months. I asked her if I could get pregnant. She told me that with my history it would be difficult, and my best chances were between the ages of 20 to 25. I was 26. She said we should start trying as soon as possible. Bill and I went out to dinner. We discussed what she said and before dinner was even served we decided we were ready to jump into trying to become parents with both feet. I called the doctor the next day and set it all up.

We rode the fertility roller coaster for a year and a half. It was horrible, but I had it in my mind that this was going be worth it because we would have a wonderful baby. I finally came to the end of how much I could take. The procedures were getting worse and worse, more and more expensive, and I was tired of feeling sick all the time. I was up early one morning praying and reading the Bible, trying to find strength to continue. I couldn't imagine living a childless life. I heard very clearly,

"Do you want to be pregnant or do you want a baby?"

What? Isn't this how you get a baby? Again I heard,

"Do you want to be pregnant or do you want a baby?"

I thought for a little while and said, "I want a baby, but I still don't understand."

Later that day, my mom called and told me she had run into an old friend. Mom had told her what we were going through, and her friend said she thought we should consider adoption. She wanted me to call her and she would tell me what we needed to do. I dialed the number right away and she gave me lots of information. She used to work for an adoption agency, Bethany Christian Services. She told us to read the book Dear Birthmother and learn as much as we could about open adoption because that was what was best for everyone involved.

We called Bethany the next day and got a folder full ofinformation. It felt so right. We were on our way and we never looked back. We got the initial application to them quickly. Next was the orientation day - a room full of couples as nervous as we were, wanting kids as much as we did. We met a couple there with two adopted daughters in wonderful open adoptions. I made a mental note to read that Dear Birthmother book.

Paperwork!

That day, we got the big packet. This was going to help them really get to know us. The paperwork seemed endless and was quite daunting. But together we got through it. I wanted it done yesterday and got mine done before Bill. I knew the next step was getting picture albums done so I gotto work on those.

I knew a nurse's aide where I worked who had placed her daughter for adoption five years earlier and had chosen the couple herself. I asked her if she would look at our albums and give us some feedback. She agreed and she showed me an article her daughter's aparents had written about her. Her daughter's parents were the same couple we had met at our orientation! We got to know them better, and their daughter was doing wonderfully with the arrangement. We got to see all sides of an open adoption that was really working, and we decided that was what we wanted.

With the albums done, we got to work on the "dear birthmother and birthfather" letters. We turned in everything, and the home study was next. I couldn't control this part as much as I could the paperwork, but I still worked on setting up the appointments, etc.

From initial contact through getting the approval letter for our adoption, the process took eight months. We learned from the approval letter that the usual wait from that point was a year and a half. There was nothing left to do; nothing I could control and speed up. This was the hard part for me. I had to just put it all in God's hands and trust him to do the rest. It was like God said, "Finally! Now get out of my way and let me show you what I can do!"

Next Page: The Call! We Got The Call!

2000 (c) Cynthia

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