Thumb and Finger Sucking

The following is a selection from the book Raising Children Who Think For Themselves by Dr. Eisa Medhus. From the chapter titled "Specific Child Rearing Challenges - How to Handle Them to Encourage Self-Direction", the following introduction is offered.

"The best way to make children good is to make them happy." - Oscar Wilde

Here are some inner-directed suggestions that will help with some of the most trying child-rearing difficulties we may stumble upon. All of these approaches are designed to preserve your children's ability to rely on internal dialogue instead of external influences to assess and correct their behavior. Using this section as a ready reference will help you raise a self-directed child, even if it means carrying the book, tattered and tear-stained, to the market, in the car, or at home. There are some challenges that, I hope you will never have to face, but others will be as inevitable as a pimple on prom night.

To get to self-direction, there are a few universal caveats for every one of the situations that follow. First, our children need to understand and agree with both the need for the furl and the consequence for breaking it. Only when they come to agree with our rules, through their own internal dialogue, will they become self-directed. Second, look to your own parenting strategy as the possible source of some of the problem. Are you over-controlling or over-protective? Either trait can elicit an externally directed response, as your children react to an unhealthy situation. Third, remember for all these parenting challenges how important it is for you as parents, to model the right behavior. If you're expecting your children to act one way and you act another, the double standard will throw a monkey wrench into their whole internal dialogue machinery.

And lastly, don't forget to laugh.

Why they do it

Children suck their thumbs and fingers because it feels good, because it's a habit, or because they're experiencing stress.

Logical consequences

It isn't necessary to render consequences for this behavior, because it's perfectly normal. After all, what's the worst thing that can happen? Pick your battles! It's a lot easier to let them suck away than it is to hassle with their unrequited urges and anxieties.

Solutions toward self-direction

Never tease, shame, nag, or punish your children for thumb or finger sucking. Never try maneuvers like bedtime mittens or hot sauce. Not only is this ineffective, but it fosters external direction.

Allow your children to communicate their fears openly. Encourage them to discuss with you those things that might be sources of stress for them.

Intervene only if this habit bothers your children and they ask for your help. Then consult with their dentist about thumb guards.