Touching Everything

The following is a selection from the book Raising Children Who Think For Themselves by Dr. Eisa Medhus. From the chapter titled "Specific Child Rearing Challenges - How to Handle Them to Encourage Self-Direction", the following introduction is offered.

"The best way to make children good is to make them happy." - Oscar Wilde

Here are some inner-directed suggestions that will help with some of the most trying child-rearing difficulties we may stumble upon. All of these approaches are designed to preserve your children's ability to rely on internal dialogue instead of external influences to assess and correct their behavior. Using this section as a ready reference will help you raise a self-directed child, even if it means carrying the book, tattered and tear-stained, to the market, in the car, or at home. There are some challenges that, I hope you will never have to face, but others will be as inevitable as a pimple on prom night.

To get to self-direction, there are a few universal caveats for every one of the situations that follow. First, our children need to understand and agree with both the need for the furl and the consequence for breaking it. Only when they come to agree with our rules, through their own internal dialogue, will they become self-directed. Second, look to your own parenting strategy as the possible source of some of the problem. Are you over-controlling or over-protective? Either trait can elicit an externally directed response, as your children react to an unhealthy situation. Third, remember for all these parenting challenges how important it is for you as parents, to model the right behavior. If you're expecting your children to act one way and you act another, the double standard will throw a monkey wrench into their whole internal dialogue machinery.

And lastly, don't forget to laugh.

Why they do it

Children love exploring their world with all of their senses, and their grubby little paws are certainly no exception!

Logical consequences

Provided your children understand the rules about what they can and can't touch, take them of the store, for instance, if they choose to disregard those rules. Tell them you can't take them with you again until you feel certain they're going to make wiser choices.

Solutions towards self-direction

Establish clear rules on what your children can and can't touch, but don't be overly restrictive.
Never nag, threaten, or punish your children for touching things all the time, unless you like those little parent/child externally directed power struggles.

Use questioning, "What are our rules about touching breakables? What would you be required to do if you accidentally broke something you touched?"

Use observations when they're being good about keeping their hands to themselves: "I notice you're not fingering everything, even though there are so many tempting things in this store. I love taking you with me when I'm not nervous about things being broken."

Give choices: "If you can keep your hands to yourself, we can stay and look around longer."