Wastefulness

The following is a selection from the book Raising Children Who Think For Themselves by Dr. Eisa Medhus. From the chapter titled "Specific Child Rearing Challenges - How to Handle Them to Encourage Self-Direction", the following introduction is offered.

"The best way to make children good is to make them happy." - Oscar Wilde

Here are some inner-directed suggestions that will help with some of the most trying child-rearing difficulties we may stumble upon. All of these approaches are designed to preserve your children's ability to rely on internal dialogue instead of external influences to assess and correct their behavior. Using this section as a ready reference will help you raise a self-directed child, even if it means carrying the book, tattered and tear-stained, to the market, in the car, or at home. There are some challenges that, I hope you will never have to face, but others will be as inevitable as a pimple on prom night.

To get to self-direction, there are a few universal caveats for every one of the situations that follow. First, our children need to understand and agree with both the need for the furl and the consequence for breaking it. Only when they come to agree with our rules, through their own internal dialogue, will they become self-directed. Second, look to your own parenting strategy as the possible source of some of the problem. Are you over-controlling or over-protective? Either trait can elicit an externally directed response, as your children react to an unhealthy situation. Third, remember for all these parenting challenges how important it is for you as parents, to model the right behavior. If you're expecting your children to act one way and you act another, the double standard will throw a monkey wrench into their whole internal dialogue machinery.

And lastly, don't forget to laugh.

Why they do it

Children are wasteful when they haven't had to experience or don't understand the consequences of this behavior.

Logical consequences

If your children are wasteful, they should do without or replace what they waste. For instance, if they serve themselves huge portions of food and eat only a small fraction, they'll have to finish it for the next meal. If they waste all the toner in the copier by photocopying their butts 300 times, take them to the office supply store to buy a refill with their own money. If they purposely break their last pencil in half, they should do without and have to use crayons to finish their homework.

Solutions toward self-direction

Teach your children the importance of conserving resources of any kind.

Use questioning: "What are our rules about wasting things? Why do we have that rule? How do you intend to make up for your waste?" "What would happen if everyone were wasteful?"

Use impartial descriptions and give information: "You left your bedroom light on when you left for school. Our electricity bill is already high enough in the summer." "We don't believe in wasting food in our family." "Water is a precious resource. It's a good idea to turn the faucet off while brushing your teeth."

Offer choices: "If you're still hungry, you can finish that second serving you gave yourself, or you can have it for lunch tomorrow." "When I can be certain you won't be so heavy-handed with the glue, then I'll let you use it without supervision."

Use observations when they're not being wasteful, "I notice you were careful about not keeping the lights in your room on when you left this morning. Over time, that really lowers our electric bill. I really appreciate that."