For Adoptive Parents and Adoptees

Hi, my name is Michelle. I was adopted at nine months old and had a terrific childhood with good parents and two siblings. I was always told that I was adopted. My parents were very open about disclosing any information they had to me and discussing my curiosity with me.

Two years ago, I found my birth mother; she had died 12 years before. I met the family, her brother and many relatives. I took my mom along with me (of course!), and we had a great time. While we're not exactly close, we do stay in touch and they've posted my name, in it's proper place, on their website family tree. Just to have their recognition was really neat. I found out I have a sibling, also adopted, but the agency won't disclose his name to me. It was very good to have an understanding of the circumstances that allowed my birth mother to place me for adoption. I never questioned her or felt bitter, but just wondered. I also wondered if I looked like anyone else in the world!

For all those adoptees and adoptive parents out there, I urge you to be honest and open with your children and parents. If a desire to learn about their birth family makes you jealous or anxious, or if you're afraid that the discovery will cause you to "lose" your adoptive child, well, then the love bond can't be that strong to begin with. I love my parents, the people who chose to adopt me and give me a home. My mom is my mom. Period. Sure, they're not perfect people, but neither am I. Nor are they criminals or abusers; that would be a different story. And for adoptees, please remember the people who took you home, took you to the doctor when you were sick, gave you birthday parties...who loved you. It is only natural to have curiosity about "where I came from", but finding your biological parents will not be a cure for arguments with your mother or a lack of understanding with your father. People are human, and everyone has faults. Ultimately, we all have to go on as individuals. Finding a birth family should only enhance your life, not be a cure for its problems. If you're interested in knowing how I went about finding my family, or for any assistance/tips, please feel free to email me.

michellebporter@yahoo.com