The Changing Roles of Fathers

"A marketing manager parks in a back lot, away from the boss's office, so that at 5:30 when it is time to leave to pick up daughter Suzie at daycare, no one will think the manager is uncommitted to the job" (Levine & Pittinsky, 1997, p. 31).

The situation described here may sound similar to the stories that often appear in the media about working mothers as they struggle to meet the demands of work and family. It may come as a surprise, however, to learn that this quote is about a working father. Just as working moms are increasingly struggling to achieve a balance between home and family, working dads are searching for ways not only to fulfill their breadwinner role but also their role as a parent. The concerns of fathers are less often made public-either because the fathers try to hide their commitment to their family for fear of negative consequences at work, or because society ignores the importance of fathers when discussing parenting.

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It is important that we do not underestimate the role of fathers in the lives of their families, however, as there were just over 25 million fathers in the United States with a child under age 18 in their household in 1995 (Levine & Pittinsky, 1997). Just like their own fathers, these dads share a desire to be a breadwinner for the family-96 percent were employed. However, these fathers differ from their fathers in that they no longer define being a good father exclusively in terms of their ability to provide economically (Levine & Pittinsky, 1997). In today's American society, being a good father also means "having a close relationship with their children," or "being involved in their children's lives." In addition, according to a 1991 Gallup poll, 59 percent of American men derive a greater satisfaction from caring for their family than from a job well done at work (Levine & Pittinsky, 1997).

Work-Family Conflict: Not Just a Women's Issue

Over the last 20 years, much of our focus has been on the consequences of mothers returning to work. Researchers have examined the consequences of maternal employment, the effects of daycare, and the effects on the marital relationship when mothers are working. We seldom hear about the impact of fathers working on the family. This is partly because of a societal expectation that fathers must be the breadwinners for the family. Yet, as researchers begin to look more closely at working fathers, they find that fathers increasingly want the ability to both provide for and spend time with their children (Levine & Pittinsky, 1997).

In addition, researchers also find that fathers often suffer from many of the same work-family conflicts as those reported about working mothers. In 1993, the Families and Work Institute conducted the National Study of the Changing Workforce. In its report, it found when looking at work-family conflict in families where both parents worked full-time, there was no significant difference between mothers and fathers (Levine & Pittinsky, 1997). When focusing on the amount of conflict experienced by fathers, results showed that nearly one-fifth reported a lot of conflict and two-fifths reported some conflict (total of 60 percent). In addition, in this study it did not matter to fathers whether mothers worked full-time, part-time, or not at all. Moreover, in more traditional families where the mother stayed at home, 56 percent of fathers still reported feeling some or a lot of conflict (Levine & Pittinsky, 1997). These statistics suggest that the discussion of problems experienced by working parents should be expanded to include working fathers as well as working mothers.

Importance of Fathers

Research on fathers and father involvement has been increasing steadily over the past few years. One of the most influential series of studies on fathering was conducted by Lamb, Pleck, Charnov, and Levine in 1987. According to their framework, the three crucial components of fathering are interaction, availability, and responsibility. Different aspects of this framework have been explored further in other studies. For example, Pleck, now at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, has continued to examine the amount of time fathers spend with their children. He found between 1965 and 1986, fathers increased the time they spent with their children from 25 percent to 33 percent of the time that mothers spend with their children (Levine & Pittinsky, 1997). A 1997 report from the census, My Daddy Takes Care of Me! Fathers as Care Providers also explores fathers' time spent with their children while the mothers are at work (Casper, 1997). According to this report, in 1993, 1 in 5 fathers in married-couple families with children under age 15 provided care for at least one child while the mother was working.

Other researchers have explored how father involvement relates to children's development. Some studies find that fathers who are more involved with their children contribute much to their children's intellectual, social, and emotional development (Engle & Breaux, 1998). For example, the quality of the interaction between the child and the father has been found to be a better predictor of children's cognitive development than the overall amount of time spent with the child.

Personal Accounts

As we continue to learn more about the importance of fathers and as new expectations of fathers begin to emerge, we wanted to learn what some of the fathers on our PARENTING listserv had to say.

One father in Australia, who stays at home while his wife works, described how he works at being a father:

I am not a juggler. I tend to say "no" a lot. I am often asked to work and be involved in things and it is tempting to get involved as you "aren't a man if you don't work." I do get involved with my kids at school and in sports, but I've had to resist the temptation to be involved for the sake of being involved. I've had to work to rebuild fathering from scratch as I had bad role models or none. My dad died when I was young so I can't just do it as dad did. . . not that I would want to.

Another father contributed a story he had written for his son's nursery school newsletter. He is a 40-something father of three boys living in California:

Because I said so!!!

Ever felt like stoning Mr. Rogers? Pounding Barney? I do. Don't get me wrong, the kiddie show hosts on public TV do a great job. They're endlessly huggable, the kids love them, and they send the right message. It's just that by the time I get finished being sensitive to my kids' needs, listening, responding appropriately, acknowledging their emotions, I've had enough sensitivity for the day!

...Sorry. I guess I kind of snapped. But, I'm exhausted. Being a perfect parent is hard work. I mean, I'm understanding, I'm sensitive, I'm omniscient, and I know ALL of the lyrics to "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood." And all of this isn't exactly second nature to me! I have to work at it! See, I was at the tail end of six kids, so I didn't grow up getting "heard" by my parents. In fact, I don't recall any of my emotional needs ever being met! I was told what to do, when to do it, and I did it or I would be punished. SIMPLE AS THAT!!

But, I'm not bitter. I'm aware that I'm part of a transitional generation in parenting. Without any historical reference whatsoever. I'm expected to master all of the parenting skills that will make my children emotionally whole. And by spending thousands of dollars practicing my theory that two hours of good parenting requires four hours of good psychiatry, I have learned that "Because I said so, dammit!" is often not the appropriate response to a toddler's meek query. But, does that mean that I have to be Mr. Rogers all the time!? Mr. Perfect Parent!?

Wait...Now that I think about it, maybe my son answered this question for me the other day. I'd had the mother of all bad days, a flat tire, a speeding ticket, a bad meeting, and my youngest had an ear infection. So, at the end of the day, when I told my middle boy to brush his teeth and he said, "In another lifetime, Dad," I blew, screaming that he better do it and he better do it now. Before he trundled off to the bathroom, he looked at me and almost smiled "Have a bad day?" He seemed to know that I could be a nutbag. And I was glad to know that my parenting had been GOOD ENOUGH that he could handle my irrational anger. . .

I was being human, and he was liking that. He preferred living with the human to living with the perfect parent.

The sentiment expressed by these two fathers is summed up in the following quote from researcher Joe Pleck, "What is perhaps most surprising is the persistence of the view that men are obsessed by their work and oblivious to their families. . . Overall, the picture emerging from recent literature on men in family roles is of men who are deeply connected to their families and whose subjective well-being is significantly related to the quality of these connections" (Levine & Pittinsky, 1997, p. 51).

Additional Resources

At-Home Dad
http://www.parentsplace.com/readroom/athomedad/index.html [Editor's Note (5-9-2000): this url has changed: http://www.parentsplace.com/family/dads/gen/0,3375,10234,00.html]

Families and Work Institute
http://www.familiesandwork.org/

The Father's Forum
http://www.parentsplace.com/readroom/fathers/index.html [Editor's Note ( 4-25-2000): this url is no longer active. The url for Parents Place is http://www.parentsplace.com]

Fatherhood Project
http://www.fatherhoodproject.org/

Fathermag
http://www.fathermag.com/

Fathernet
http://www.cyfc.umn.edu/Fathernet/index.html

National Centering for Fathering
http://www.fathers.com/

National Fatherhood Initiative
http://www.register.com/father/ [Editor's Note: the url for this page has changed: http://www.fatherhood.org/ 4-27-2000]

National Fathers' Network
http://www.fathersnetwork.org/

Sources

Casper, Lynne. (1997). My daddy takes care of me! Fathers as care providers. Current Population Reports (P70-59). Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Commerce.

Engle, Patricia, & Breaux, Cynthia. (1998). Fathers' involvement with children: Perspectives from developing countries. Social Policy Report, 12(1), 1-23.

Levine, James, & Pittinsky, Todd. (1997). Working fathers. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley Publishing Company.