A Note to My Mother-In-Law
This is a letter I had written to my husand's birth mother shortly before we actually met her in person. This letter is also being published in an upcoming book titled, Letters form the Heart, Notes to My Mother-In-Law.August 25, 2002
Dearest Gayle,
I have put this album together in effort to show you as much as I can of Sam's life. I have very few childhood pictures of him, to get those I would have to go the "Mother Ship of Photo Memorabilia" (Sam's mom), and although she would be more than happy to oblige, I just don't want to waste any time. I want to have this ready if and when we do get to meet you.
Most of the pictures are from Sam's and my life together (8 years). A lot has happened in those 8 years and I have spent many hours lamenting over the delicate course of events that have ultimately led to present day. It is easy to say things happen for a reason, but it is extremely hard to deny the strong hand of fate that is evident in our lives. I hope to share all of that with you. I think you will find it amazing.
I tend to place a lot of emphasis on Sam's character. I do this because I am consistently in awe of the person he is. In my life, I have yet to meet a more kind and gentle man than Sam. Now, a lot of this has to do with the way he was raised (he had a wonderful childhood), but I have to say a lot of it comes from somewhere else. Being a mother of two, I know there are things you simply cannot teach a child. I don't think you can teach a child compassion, or strength of character. I have learned that children can mimic certain endearing behaviors without really understanding WHY they are doing it. Sam is truly compassionate. He is also the most non- judgmental person alive. It takes a great deal of effort for Sam to find fault in anyone, and then even more effort for him to vocalize it. I honestly do not know of a single person who does not like Sam; he hasn't got one enemy.
Sam is my best friend and has been for a very long time. We met in high school, when I was a junior and he, a sophomore. We were friends throughout school, but we never dated. Whenever we were dateless for a big event, we always took each other. We went to a prom and several other banquets and dances simply because we trusted one another and had a great time together.
After I graduated, I became pregnant and decided that adoption was the best option for me. I was completely alone and had to move back home; it was the saddest and loneliest I have ever been. One afternoon, while sitting at a traffic light, I heard a car honk and looked up to find Sam across the intersection in his enormous white truck smiling and waving. He wasn't aware of my situation and I knew he would never treat me unkindly so I decided to visit him at work (Baskin Robins), and thus changing the course of my life forever.
Sam became one of the two friends I let into my life during the pregnancy. He would visit me every day after school and invited me to come have ice cream at work (I subsequently gained an obscene amount of "baby" weight from the free ice cream). Sam took me to the movies and to dinner all the time. If he was ever embarrassed to be seen with a pregnant teenager, he never let on to it. He and I discussed you a great deal that summer. I would always find comfort in his answers to my questions regarding his feelings toward you. He was neither angry nor disappointed. He was happy and that was enough for him. He never pondered the complexities of adoption that I had assumed all adopted children did. It made me feel better to know that my own child would not grow up resenting my decisions.
That summer, my family fell in love with Sam. He was still my best friend and nothing more. On the day I delivered, Sam spent the entire day with my family and I. I was allowed one hour with my son before I was to give him to his parents. Sam was there for my hour, and he got a chance to hold the baby. He sat there with that baby in his arms and sobbed. He wept for a child that was not his own. He cried tears reserved for only the deepest of pains. Later he shared with my mother the profound impact being there to hold my son had on him. He was able to see the great deal of love and loss involved in surrendering a child to another mother. He saw first hand the amount of love both parties (birth mother and adoptive mother) had for this little person. He always had a lot of respect for you, but after August 8, 1994 his gratitude toward you was immeasurable.
We began dating a month after the birth, and married the following summer. I am very proud of Sam. He makes me laugh and he makes me be happy and I can't think of a single thing I would change.
I have placed in this album pictures of some of the most monumental events in our lives. At every one of these events you were present in our thoughts and in our hearts. No matter what happens in the future, you will always be held in the highest esteem by Sam, his parents, our children, and myself.
Our situation being what it is, I have shared everything with our children. Ryson couldn't care less at this point (he is far more interested in his "disassemble the entire house" project which began the day he started walking), but Sage is very intrigued and has a many questions. When I told her we had found you and that Sam's birth name was Rory Allen, she said, "Dad has TWO moms and TWO names! That is SO cool". She thinks it a great injustice that she has only one name and sadly only one mother.
I think that Sage, much more so than Ryson, encompasses her father's character. She is a very special child; I truly hope you get to meet her. Ryson is great too, but Sage has a way of touching the soul. She loves her father more than life itself. The relationship between Sage and Sam is poetic. Watching the two of them interact is like hearing a Shakespearian Sonnet; they just go together so eloquently.
One of the things I am very curious about is your laugh. Sam has the most unique and contagious laugh. Sage and Ryson have the same laugh. Sage has turned it into an artistic medium; there isn't a person I have met who hasn't commented on her beautiful laugh. I wonder if the laugh originated from you.
In closing, I can't tell you how wonderful it is to have found you. If this is as good as it gets, we are overjoyed. We would love to welcome you into our lives, but will do so only at your consent. As a family, we respect you immensely and want nothing more than happiness for you and your family. As the wife of your birth son, I love you for giving birth to one of the three people I live for. Thank you.
With much love,
Kristina
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