Get Help With: Domestic Violence - Sexual Assault

Domestic Violence

Are you concerned about your relationship? Are you ever afraid of your partner? Does your partner tell you what to do and who to see? Has your partner ever threatened to harm you? Has your partner ever pushed or hit you, thrown things at you, or forced you to have sex? Does your partner threaten to have you deported? You are not alone.

Abuse happens in every culture, every country, and every age group, and it may be happening to you. If you are being abused, you may feel frightened, hurt, confused, disappointed, angry, ashamed, or hopeless. Your partner might make it worse by blaming you. But no one deserves to be abused or threatened. You cannot stop your partner's abuse, but you can find help and support for yourself.

What You Can Do

- Talk with somebody you trust: a friend or relative, someone from your job or house of worship.

- Put together an "emergency kit" of things you would really need if you had to leave suddenly, such as identification, medicine, keys, and money.

- Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-SAFE (799-7233) to find out about domestic violence shelters and programs in your area.

- Call the police if you are in danger.
Remember that you are the expert about your own life. Don't let anyone talk you into doing something that's not right for you.
There is no excuse for domestic violence.

Building a Personal and Workplace Safety Plan

If you are in a violent relationship, one of the most important steps you can take is to make a safety plan for your home and the workplace. These plans contain simple but critical steps you can take to increase your safety while you deal with the violence you face in your personal life.

Personal Safety Plan

If you had the perpetrator evicted or are living alone, you may want to:

- Change locks on doors and windows.

- Install a better security system -- window bars, locks, better lighting, smoke detectors and fire extinguishers.

- Teach the children to call the police or family and friends if they are snatched.

- Talk to schools and childcare providers about who has permission to pick up the children.

- Find a lawyer knowledgeable about family violence to explore custody, visitation and divorce provisions that protect you and your children.

- Obtain a restraining order.

If you are leaving your abuser, ask yourself the following questions:

- How and when can you most safely leave? Where will you go?

- Are you comfortable calling the police if you need them?

- Who can you trust to tell that you are leaving?

- How will you travel safely to and from work or school or to pick up children?

- What community and legal resources will help you feel safer? Write down their addresses and phone numbers, and keep them handy.

- Do you know the number of the local shelter?

- What custody and visitation provisions will keep you and your children safe?

- Is a restraining order a viable option?

If you are staying with your batterer, think about:

- What works best to keep you safe in an emergency.

- Who you can call in a crisis.

- If you would call the police if the violence starts again. Can you work out a signal with the children or the neighbors to call the police when you need help?

- If you need to flee temporarily, where would you go? Think though several places where you can go in a crisis. Write down the addresses and phone numbers, and keep them with you.

- If you need to flee your home, know the escape routes in advance.

Have the following available in case you have to flee:

- Important papers such as birth certificates, social security cards, marriage and driver's licenses, car title, lease or mortgage papers, passports, insurance information, school and health records, welfare and immigration documents, and divorce or other court documents

- Credit cards, bank account number, and ATM cards

- Some money

- An extra set of keys

- Medications and prescriptions

- Phone numbers and addresses for family, friends, doctors, lawyers, and community agencies

- Clothing and comfort items for you and the children

Remember, you cannot stop your partner's abuse, but you can find help and support for yourself. No one deserves to be abused.

Workplace Safety Plan

At work, you may want to:

- Save any threatening emails or voicemail messages. You can use these to take legal action in the future, if you choose to. If you already have a restraining order, the messages can serve as evidence in court that the order was violated.

- Park close to the entrance of your building, and talk with security, the police, or a manager if you fear an assault at work.

- Have your calls screened, transfer harassing calls to security, or remove your name and number from automated phone directories.

- Relocate your workspace to a more secure area.

- Obtain a restraining order and make sure that it is current and on hand at all times. Include the workplace on the order. A copy should be provided to the police, the employee's supervisor, Human Resources, the reception area, the Legal department, and Security.

- Provide a picture of the perpetrator to reception areas and/or Security.

- Identify an emergency contact person should the employer be unable to contact you.

- Ask Security to escort you to and from your car or public transportation.

- Look into alternate hours or work locations.

- Review the safety of your childcare arrangements, whether it is on-site childcare at the company or off-site elsewhere. If you have a restraining order, it can usually be extended to the childcare center.

Remember, you cannot stop your partner's abuse, but you can find help and support for yourself. No one deserves to be abused.

What should I do if I am sexually assaulted?

- Find a safe environment - anywhere away from the attacker. Ask a trusted friend stay with you for moral support.

- Preserve evidence of the attack - don't bathe or brush your teeth. Write down all the details you can recall about the attack & the attacker.

- Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, for free, confidential counseling, 24 hours a day: 1-800-656-HOPE.

-Get medical attention. Even with no physical injuries, it is important to determine the risks of STDs and pregnancy.

- To preserve forensic evidence, ask the hospital to conduct a rape kit exam.

- If you suspect you may have been drugged, ask that a urine sample be collected. The sample will need to be analyzed later on by a forensic lab.

- Report the rape to law enforcement authorities. A counselor can provide the information you'll need understand the process.

- Remember it wasn't your fault.

- Recognize that healing from rape takes time. Give yourself the time you need.

- Know that it's never too late to call. Even if the attack happened years ago, the National Sexual Assault Hotline can still help. Many victims do not realize they need help until months or years later.

How can I help a friend who has been sexually assaulted?

- Listen. Be there. Don't be judgmental.

- Encourage your friend to seriously consider reporting the rape to law enforcement authorities. A counselor can provide the information your friend will need to make this decision.

- Be patient. Remember, it will take your friend some time to deal with the crime.

- Let your friend know that professional help is available through the National Sexual Assault Hotline. Encourage him or her to call the hotline, but realize that only your friend can make the decision to get help.

What can I do to reduce my risk of sexual assault?

- Don't leave your beverage unattended or accept a drink from an open container.

- When you go to a party, go with a group of friends. Arrive together, watch out for each other, and leave together.

- Be aware of your surroundings at all times.
Don't allow yourself to be isolated with someone you don't know or trust.

- Think about the level of intimacy you want in a relationship, and clearly state your limits.

How can I protect my child from sexual abuse?

- Communicate, communicate, communicate.

- Speak to your children using the proper names for their body parts. Armed with information, children are better able to report abuse to you.

- Teach your children about safe and unsafe touches, as well as what is appropriate physical affection.

- Let your children know that respect for elders doesn't extend to an adult that has made your child uncomfortable. It's OK to say no and it's OK to leave the situation.

- Trust your own instincts. If your instincts tell you something is wrong, follow-up.

For information about Internet safety, download A Parent's Guide to Internet Safety from the FBI. The materials are available in English & Spanish.